Apr 2004 Issue- RE-DEFINING SUCCESS :

Last month, deep in the heart of Japan's winter. We were repulsed from the summit of Mt Fuji. After climbing 1100 vertical metres with large packs and in shin- deep snow in a single day, the slate-coloured mushroom shaped clouds refused to budge. With more bad weather predicted over the next two days - having extra time was academic. We hauled ourselves up the mountain again the next day only to confirm the worst.

Very recently, a client participant in a 25-metre abseil off a vertical rock face ' froze' at the final release point. She did not complete the descent.

What do these two different " failures" have in common and what can we learn from them?

On Fuji, one of my partners was also partially disabled and had never carried such a load over such a vertical distance in his life. Three hours before we reached our campsite he exclaimed he was " totally exhausted" - and yet an hour and half after the rest of us had reached the campsite, he plodded in. On the rock abseil, the client participant was a lady who had never done any rock climbing or vertical sports in her life. She was unfit a smoker. She had declared she would not ' attempt' it.

Yet minutes later, once I had helped her establish a different, positive mind state, she put on a harness and clambered up to the abseil point. Alas, there was a delay in her getting there and the intervening time caused her latent fears to rise once more.

In both cases, both my Fuji partner and the abseil participant had exceeded their expectations significantly. While the original objectives were not achieved, both achieved other objectives; possibly greater ones. In particular, a mindset that " cant" or " not possible" are merely states of mind. By being able to better control these meta-programs in our heads we can succeed in almost anything. My Japanese partner on the climb described the experience of the climb as follows:

"The Yoshida route we traced was the most popular route before the
Fuji-Subaru line opened. The centuries old wooden huts at 1st to 5th station are a kind of heritage which many people ignore. Deep snow made a quiet
and solemn atmosphere. I think it was the precious opportunity
which can rarely be experienced."

It is up to us to define what we want and re-define, where necessary what constitutes success.

And what about " failure"? There is no real or lasting failure - only feedback. And with this ' new' information, we can move ahead to reach greater heights.

MAY 2004- SUPPRESSING DE-MOTIVATING ELEMENTS

Motivation can be defined as an emotional state that precedes action. But what if the action is a highly negative and dis-empowering one? I've often spoken of the elements which can be used to enhance motivation. However, sometimes we all need some different tools to get rid of de-motivating elements.

Let's look at anger. Anger is bad for your blood pressure and whole state of mind-body. After an angry bout, it make take hours to calm down , as well as releasing the awful tension in many parts of our body. And yes, haven't we all been, at one time or the other, motivated by anger to kick the daylights of someone over an argument?

A week ago, I encountered a rare character: an extremely belligerent, loud and unreasonable car park security officer. A retiree, he had probably lost the ability to distinguish the difference from the importance of his job and a sense of self importance. By confronting me in an aggressive manner and making physical contact in a way that could only precede some retaliation from my part, it was an incredible challenge to keep my fists to myself.

There are two methods that can be used to neutralise such emotions, the first being an immediate frame of being i.e. that in-the-moment feeling; and the second, a deeper tapping of personal strengths or resources.

1) A realisation that I was angry. By realising my state of anger, I immediately became more detached. Almost subconsciously, I became more aware of my heart rate, muscle tension and frame of mind. Only through this detachment could I begin to scale the feeling of anger down. I quickly moved to doing this by using open hand gestures ( instead of high tension clenched fists ). I also raised my voice but without creating aggressive verbal content. It is important, I feel, to express anger, but not so that the content of your language and actions becomes physically or verbally destructive

2) A realisation of self and the need to lead oneself. About two years ago, I wrote about Self Identity and Self-Leadership. It's worth a re-visit. My reminding myself of my identity, I immediately recoiled from the idea of giving the irksome man a whack in the face. So a deeper resource like this should be accessed if the level of anger is significant

The third stage, which can be acquired after the event, is acquiring a separate, motivating state. This is critical in allowing the experience to dissipate quickly and to be able to regain a sense of balance.

All leadership begins with us, as individuals. Dis-empowering states such as anger can be nullified through specific processes and skills. Once we succeed consistently with ourselves, we can apply these tools to coach our own staff and associates in similar vein; or manage them more effectively in times of anger

JUNE 2004- GAMES, GAMES, GAMES

All of us play them. But few of us are aware of half the games we play. Am I talking about golf, tennis or pool? Absolutely not! The games I refer to are those games which we play on ourselves and others all the time, without realising what we are doing. Some are highly positive but many are destructive and toxic. Some of the one which serve us no purpose are ones we might recognise, like:

I Hate Going to work on Monday Morning So I'll Moan About it At Work Game
I'll be a Smart Ass Just so I Can Show up my Boss Game
No Way am I Going To the Gym Today Game

In past newsletters, I identified the power that certain states ( mind-body-emotions ) can have on us: Anger ( May 2004 ), Redefining Failure ( April 2004 ) and Opportunities or Obstacles ( Mar 2004 ).

Even climbers play games.

A mountaineer, inching his way up a steep rock face might already be playing the This is Too Hard, I Will Fail Game. Instead of accessing deep rooted skills, fitness and techniques, the self-defeating frame being applied will already have a death-like effect on his ability to overcome each gymnastic problem on the rock face - leading to an early fall.

When we are playing a game, we are in a specific frame. If this frame is not empowering us or to a better good, we need to take the following steps to end or change these frames.

The first step this to identify the kind of triggers that kick-off a negative frame game. By identifying the game quickly and regularly, we can begin to use methods to stop or reduce its toxic effect on us. A mountaineer may need to access some powerful past ( or imagined ) mental resource to overcome a problem. This may not work 100% of the time, but allows a higher chance of succeeding. It isn't rocket science to see how you can use this in your own context.

So if you are subconsciously playing the No Way am I Going To the Gym Today Game, identify when this get triggered off. By identifying the game, you've already caught the gremlins at work on your life, allowing you the 2nd step of applying new frames that are positive and work to your benefit

So for the next month or so, try identifying these negative games we play. We can then move on to stopping or changing the game we play. Until then, think about some of the evil games you play. Are you playing them for a positive outcome or is the game playing you instead?

JULY 2004 - MORE GAMES AND THE GENIUS GAME

Last month, I spoke of the toxic frames that control us, sometime without us knowing it at all. One of those I mentioned was the I Hate Going to Work Frame, I also provided a tip on how you can build awareness of such frames in your internal programming.

This month, and for the first time in three years since the birth of Life Without Limits, I have a ' guest' contributor and master trainer, Andrew Bryant to share a secret with you as to how you can eject those unproductive CDs from your CD-player of the brain, and access those powerful and useful ones instead - a start to you being in control, rather than the toxic frames.

The Genius Game by Andrew Bryant:

In last month’s newsletter, my good friend and colleague, David alerted you to the ‘toxic games’ we play that prevent us living the life we deserve. David set you the challenge of identifying some of these games, how did you go? Did you spot any of these? - "It’s too hard game", or the "It’s not fair game", or the "I’m not good enough game". Maybe you identified a completely different game that may have benefited you in the past but no longer serves you.

Today I want to talk to you about the Genius Game, a game to play for your own Personal Genius. We are all born with the seed that contains the potential for our own genius. What we do with this seed is a choice that will shape the very quality of our life’s experiences. At school or university we are taught what to think and how to do things, we are rarely taught how to think in order to develop our focus, creativity, motivation and other facets of genius. You can learn to access your personal genius by choosing your frames of mind – would you like that? Would you use it?

OK, let’s try this out with one of the pre-requisites of genius, the ability to focus. Have you ever been working on a project but continually got distracted or interrupted and then lost your train of thought? What if you could just access that state of focus at will? You can, and here’s how:

First, mentally access a time when you were really focused; to do that go back in your mind to a specific event when you can remember being in the state of focus. Fully step into that feeling, notice the muscle tension of focus, how you breathe and how your vision is zeroed in on the subject of your focus. You probably will notice that all that internal mental chatter has gone quiet.

Now imagine a bubble surrounding you, you might like to give it a colour that would indicate focus to you. Fill that bubble with the feeling of being focussed, your reasons for being focussed, what being focused means to you. Enjoy that feeling for a full minute. Can you remember this feeling? Can you give yourself a cue to return to this feeling whenever you need it, such as a word or a gesture? Good.

Now, imagine stepping out of the bubble, look around, let other things grab your attention. OK, now imagine stepping back into your focus bubble and be surprised how quickly you can re-access that focussed state. Practice this as many times as you need to so that you have this state at your fingertips. Great, now next time you need to focus – step into your bubble first.

For details of this and other courses visit http://www.selfleadership.com.au

AUGUST 2004 - INFERNAL OR INTERNAL PROGRAMMING?

How can we manage to better ourselves and our teams? One area that is rich in possibilities is how we perceive our world through our many, and complex internal programming and primary filters.

I am, by nature, a reasonable risk taker and see life very mush as a " towards' person ie I'm motivated and influenced positively by seeking opportunities and achieving goals by exploring scenarios and plunging ahead. This runs counter with someone who might be skewed in the opposite direction, one who might seek to succeed by having an " away" mindset where success is measured by avoiding mistakes and pitfalls along the way. Both types on internal programming have contextual strengths and weaknesses.

In terms of how I perceive my world through sight, sound, taste or motion, I'm not a person who relies or is influenced significantly by kinesthetics ( hence I'm a lousy dancer and have mediocre co-ordination ).

A few weeks ago, I was having a dip in the Sea of Marmara, just outside Istanbul. A business associate of mine, Sinan, who was hosting me at his summer home; remarked how the small jellyfish in the waters were harmless. Yet, my very strong internal programming refused to accept this; overcoming my usual " towards" outlook at situations. I was, in short, rather afraid of being stung. Finally, after seeing ( I am heavily " visual " ) one such creature scooped by hand with no ill-effects, did I rely on " touch" to sense that the rubbery, gel-like textures were, indeed harmless.

Thus, a simple lesson. If you want to appeal to me or influence me, try using strong visuals since I'm often less convinced by kinesthetics. How strongly influenced are you by certain programs you run unconsciously ( e.g. ALL jellyfish are lethal )?

There are many internal programmes. some of which might be whether you tend to be a ' big picture' vs 'details' person. Or perhaps you might be one who likes ' options' vs. ' procedures' and so on

How influenced are you my one particular primary sense filter e.g. sight or internal programme? When do you think these could be an advantage in helping you communicate or relate better with a client or colleague? Are our programmes merely internal or are they infernal, when they rule us? You decide.

SEP/OCT 2004 - CAN LEADERSHIP BE 'LEARNED'?

In this issue I explore a contrarian view from that taken by Pulitzer-Prize winner David Halberstam's article in the recent issue of Fast Company. In "The Greatness That Cannot Be Taught", Halberstam explores the recent slew of ' leadership' seminars, books et al being churned out in the USA. In particular, he looks at the more high profile ones written by or presented by the giants of American sports or industry. He thinks that no one can be like another Lee Iaccoca or maybe some other great football coach. In addition, he thinks the skills are not readily transferable.

He writes:

".....So if leadership can't be taught or transferred, how do you foster it? Where do you find leaders, and how do you create them? The truth is that in most fields, it's a natural process. Leaders are men and women who have chosen the right profession. They're good at it, and because they're good at it, they like it, and because they like it, they're even better at it. They're so good at it that they'd rather work than play. They're naturals, and excelling comes naturally as well. They've understood their field from the start, and they've studied it without even knowing they've studied it. They could look around from the day they joined an organization and understand the talents of those who went before them, understand the people around them, and know when and just how hard to push them."
--
Unfortunately , this hardly the kind of news companies wish to receive. For most, the concept of leadership is one that is very desirable to have but difficult to attain; and if it can't be taught, how can it be learned?

I offer a structured solution out of Halberstam's viewpoint and position. In any field, if you are Passionate about something, you will Practice it more, and then you will become Proficient at it. This is the cornerstone of motivation-led success. The challenge is to effectively recruit people into your organisation who share that view. Singaporean entrepreneur Kenny Yap, who has built an empire out of the ornamental fish business, once said he'd prefer to recruit a far less educated person into his business who shared a passion for rearing fish, rather than a multiple degree holder who only viewed the job as a ' job'. Passion counts. With passion, come commitment, and with commitment, all things are possible ; including having the right mental map for leadership ( in all its forms ).

Second, by Practising leadership, a leader needs to model himself after the best habits of the best leaders in his context. This means an informal or possible semiformal study of what exactly the appropriate leader in his/her industry does. This can go down to a micro -level to see how a leader builds trust and rapport using the subtlest speech and body language patterns, to exactly how they respond to each type of situation . The fields of cognitive behaviour and neuro- linguistics programming study how we structure our experience of the world around us through ( largely ) linguistics i.e. speech patterns and how this is reflected in our mind-body behaviours. By benchmarking patterns of the best leadership behaviour. But this just scratches the surface since classic NLP studies have not captured well enough the deeper coding that we all have a humans.

There's an even more effective of way of replicating leadership success - and that is the study and practice of leader's higher states of mind; i.e. layered frameworks of how we think and react to things; and give meaning to them. This new area of neuro-semantics, as developed by Dr L.Michael Hall explores our not only our thoughts ( basic NLP ) but our thoughts about our thoughts; our higher frames of mind - which drive our internal coding in how we respond to the world. In short, we can now begin to give structure to our deepest programmes - created by experience, cultural, spiritual and social influences. These concepts are embodied in my First Steps Leadership and Leadership Risk and Challenge programmes.

Think of it as this way: If we can begin to understand what a great leader ( in the context we wish to be in )does that is so compelling and effective, we can apply these mind-body structures to ourselves to achieve a similar level of Proficiency. We begin to play the Game of Leadership.

So while leadership is tough to 'teach', it can be learned powerfully by observing ferociously the kind of coding, mind-body states that great leaders apply to themselves ( often unknowingly ) to achieve their level of greatness - and then apply these to ourselves to raise our game.

NOV 2004 - RESILIENCE AWARENESS AND ENHANCEMENT

Paul Stoltz, PhD, researcher in the field of adversity quotients, and best selling author off " Adversity Quotient" , wrote about sustainable optimism a few years ago. In a far-ranging essay, he describes how we cope with adversity in our professional and private lives. He said:

There are three components to human capacity:
1) required capacity, 2) existing capacity, and 3) accessed capacity.
Required capacity is the amount of capacity that is demanded from a person as they encounter greater adversity in their jobs and lives. Existing capacity is what people have when they begin a job, when they are hired. It consists of their experience, aptitudes, knowledge, talents – everything.
Accessed capacity is what a person taps – what they actually use. Most people actually access (tap and use) between 5% and 25% of their existing capacity.

However, Stoltz noted, when adversity intensified, people's ability to cope with it decreased, when it needed to do the opposite. This paradox has been subject to study in the field off cognitive sciences, and some effective tools have been devised to address some of these paradoxes.

Imagine if a number of external stimuli you encounter each day throws up an adverse scenario. Research shows that this has doubled from 5 -6 to 13 daily. Each adverse scenario creates a mind-body state; often one that does not help the situation e.g. fear and loathing.

Try this technique. Access an emotional state in the past which, for you, is the opposite to the present state e.g. peacefulness. Access it completely; meaning you need to recall this state as a perfect past mind-body experience. Focus on the breathing and heart rate you might have had, the smells the sights of where you were at when you were immersed in this state of e.g. peacefulness. If you are lucky, you might have had a tune or song, to powerfully draw you back to a strong memory-mind-body state. This is an anchor. Anchors can be created. Create one that is simple but unique to your desired state. Triggering the positive state anchor can provide a powerful mix of states that is likely to reduce the intensity or toxic effect of the present, undesired state. " Fear" can be changed to " peaceful fear" or " calm fear" or a combination of complex states. With practice, your powerful positive states can be brought to bear and transform unproductive states.

Some of these techniques will be demonstrated and acquired by participants of the WITHOUT LIMITS programme Dec 7 - 8; a powerful self-leadership programme.

DEC 2004 - WHAT IS YOUR QUALITY-OF-EXPERIENCE QUOTIENT?

A study by the Henley Centre in the UK found that in 1989, 58% of people were happy compared to 45% in 2003 -- despite a 60% increase in average incomes. Meanwhile, a study by Cornell and the University of Colorado found that spending money on experiences is more fulfilling than spending it on possessions.

If you think about it , it's about the quality of the experience of life. Many of us will tip-toe safely to our graves. Others may seize life, with all its risks and joys and live it to the fullest - because it's really all about the quality of experience, is it not? If you seek a mountain-climbing experience where you have to actually queue up on certain stages of the climb because the route is packed with other people; where your basecamp is teeming with filth and hundreds of others, there's got to be trade-off on the ' quality of experience' surely. If the mountain is Everest, *maybe* that tradeoff is it worth it - but then again, maybe not if what is important to you is the pure joy of the unknown, where every corner hasnt been documented , and where climbing is once again, mentally challenging and decision -making an enriching part of the game.

In life , you are empowered to decide what kind of game or experience you want. Do live a life where you do what you know, and not the opposite. And instead of a New Year's resolution, think about it as a New Year Goal - just changing the context slightly will make the whole experience of going for your dream so much more exciting and fulfilling.